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Lost

August 8, 2010

Once upon a time, there was a little kid named Ehab, and he was happy. He was happy with his family, happy at school, happy with his friends. He was happy, plain and simple, without even knowing why.

And then, university happened.

At first, Ehab did not realize his life was going in no specific direction. But as the years went along, his studies became more and more demanding, his daily life more and more frustrating; he then saw the truth he hid all along: the path he wandered was not his own, the choice was made for him.

He spiraled deep into depression, even fantasizing about suicide a couple of times.  His future seemed bleak; a hole out of which he will never climb. Devilish ideas whirled in his feeble mind; hatred, nihilism, apathy. His spirit was torn apart.

He ultimately survived, but he was not the same.

Now, he wishes he could return to being that little kid again.

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Is it true that some people wake every day full of excitement and joy? Is it possible? I want to be that guy. I want to be blissful in every moment, and I want it to come from a place deep within my heart. I want to enjoy the blessing of life for itself, and yet dive into my work with burning passion. I want to share this bliss with those special people around me, and have them share their amazing experience with me.

Is this even possible? Is this real? I can’t seem to know. Does anyone live like this anymore?

The way I see it, there has to be a purpose in my life. A purpose that provides scaffolding to everything I do. A purpose that excites my whole being, that burns inside. The mere thought of that purpose should enthrall me. Is that the right? Can such a purpose exist?

I need to have the courage to think and explore, to step out of my illusory boundaries. I need to get rid of fear, to take a risk or two. I need to clear my mind of everyday crap, and to be ready to embrace opportunity. There has to be something out there, doesn’t it?

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From → Introspective

5 Comments
  1. Douja permalink

    Ehab, first and foremost NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING is impossible, “the word it self says I’m possible”. You are a brave man to reveal these layers of yourself that others would be to fearful or ashamed to show, that proves you are courages. Secondly I agree everyone does have a person in life, the question is what is yours, and the answer only lies with you and no one else. With time you will discover what that is, but only when you fully understand yourself, you have to allow yourself to fall without fear of the impact, in order for you to “have the courage to think and explore, to step out of my illusory boundaries” you must be willing to take that first step 🙂

  2. Thanks for the encouragement, and maybe it was a bit too much ranting, so sorry for that…

  3. Douja permalink

    Oh no not a bit of a rant, this was perfect!

  4. Ehab,

    That is fine, we all get those moments, and yes I can understand what you are facing, but just let go of it! It is hard, but learn how to do that, your own way!

  5. Thanks friends.

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